DO NOT ENTER

“THE NEPALESE DIRTY JOKES”

CHAPTER 1
So 1 day what happens is - a guy is “sick”(sick as in drug sick) of sex ( all of you drug addicts know what i'm saying). So the guy goes to THAMEL and into a whore house. Then the guy looks around and his eyes go to the “MENU” so there he sees the prices of fucking a whore.
1. To titty fuck the whore `Rs. 100/-
2. To fuck in the ass Rs. 300/-
3. To fuck in the pussy Rs. 500/-
So now that guy is in a situation, he only got 100 bucks in his pocket. Then he decides “Okay, no problem. I'ma feel the breast of a hoe and at least my dick will get a lil pleasure.”. So he talks, deals and he is in a room with a nice looking hoe. He's titty fucking her and during the fucking the gal farts. “Ewww! What the fuck did you do that for?”. The hoe says “It was the thunder. It's goina rain”.
Then, as they are continuing to go along, the guy pisses all over the hoe. “What the fuck was that for?”, the hoe says. The guy replies in a goofy way “ It rained”. Okay! So they go on . Then, the guy, ass fucks the hoe. The hoe turns around “What the hell. You cheap fucking ass hole, you paid Rs. 100 and what the hell is this. You are fucking my ass, bitch!”.
The guy was convincing and convinced her to fuck in the ass for Rs.100. As they are fucking, the hoe then takes a shit all over the place. “Aw! U son of a bitch, u got SHIT all over my dick”,the guy screams angrily.”. The hoe then says “The rain was very heavy so snow falled”. They didn't clean up cuz of the 1 hour “deadline”. Then at the end the guy fucks in the pussy and says “I FUCKING SLIPPED IN THE SNOW.”

this was the first fucking dirty joke i heard


CHAPTER 2 This is related to the drug chain in NEPAL.

So what happens is there is a jungle in the depth, a deep dark place, where only a few people have went and came back alive. The rest were killed or kidnapped or lost or what happened, no one has no idea. I m also a survivor of that jungle. I call it “The Bigreko Jungle” (The junkie jungle).
What happens there I have a little idea. Anyways, there was this rabbit who woke up in the middle of the day and then it decides to make the jungle a better place by making all the animals “DRUG FREE” . So it goes along and finds a monkey up in a tree and the monkey is smoking a “malta danda” JOINT. Then the rabbit says “Hey Monkey! This shit ain't happening, man! We have to make this jungle drug free and go to progress. Bright future awaits us.”. The monkey thinks for a while says “Alryt”.
So the rabbit and the monkey go to fix the jungle. On their way they now find a deer and a rhino smoking brown sugar and cocaine respectively. Then the monkey convinces them to leave the drug and be free. After convincing them for an hour they agree and realize that “drugs are bad”. So the four of them go to mighty king of the jungle 'The Lion'.
Now the lion is already high and was about to shoot an ampule ( syringe ) of 5 pen ( 5 ml ) in one shot, so as it was pumping it's veins and was ready to shoot, the rhino says, “ Hey king, stop!”. The lion is shocked and as it was high it thought it was his wife so he hides the syringe under his ass but “aaaw! I injected the syringe in my ass”, the lion screams, “What the fuck is with you addict animals?”. The deer says, “My Lord! we have decided to leave drugs and make this jungle a better place for ourselves and the visitors.”, then the rhino adds, “Yeah! And we shouldn't rob the travelers of the jungle for money to fulfill our need of drugs.”. The Lion curiously says, “Who the fuck told you this bullshit?”. Those 2 point out to the monkey and then the monkey points out to the rabbit.
NOW THE LION SAYS, “YOU FUCKING ASS HOLES! CAN'T YOU FUCKING SEE THIS RABBIT IS ALREADY HIGH ON NITRAVET, PROXY VON, ECSTASY, AND WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE.”

What happens in Nepal is kids use the first and foremost drug by the name of cigarette. Then they move on to joint-weed! From places all over the country,my best was from malta danda ( a hill ) – a place located in such a height that we can see seven mountains from the top. Then they move on to PILLS namely; nitravet, nitrasun, clonazepam/klozep, proxyvon mixed with Koftab D, sinex, avil, alboginium, opidol, stagun,.......etc. There are a lot of other pills in the country that people take but these are just a few that I know of. So as time goes on they get into brown sugar ( saamaan ) then if they are lucky and find a good dealer they get to sniff cocaine brought from India. The final piece in this drug chain is AMPLE:the syringe. True! There are other drugs like Metadine, phenergan tablets, dandite, and a load of other things that gets u high as hell. Danditetym. The pills I mentioned I personally have used them all and been “psycho” ( stoned ) but I never climbed up the chain any further than that.
WHAT I SAY IS THAT “DRUGS ARE GOOD FOR YOU until THEY KILL YOU FROM THE INSIDE”

CHAPTER 3 every one knows that fox is smart, ryt!

Once upon a tym, (lol) there were a couple of lions – a male and a female, who recently got married (lmao). They were always bothered by this fox who was smart as hell. In Feb 14th the valentine's day, the fox calls out the lion to come and battle him, one on one - face to face again, “Hey! You bitch of a lion, come out and battle me if you dare MOTHERFUCKER!”, the fox howls, “ HOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWLLLL”. Now in the cave, the lion talks to it's wife, “I am not gong out there, i'm scared as hell. I never catch him. That motherfucking fox always gets away. He had been doing this to me since before we got married.” The lioness was brave and her shield pack was still intact. She had big teeth, big paws, long claws and surely big natural tits. The fox again said, “ You coming out or not, CHICKEN of the jungle”. The lioness couldn't bear this insult and she went out and said, “I'ma eat u alive, motherfox .....eeerrr.”. So the chase begins, the lioness chases the fox all over the jungle and the fox had a strategy in his mind. They reach to a place where there was a V-shaped tree and the fox leaps from the middle of the tree but ALAS! The lioness chasing the fox gets caught on the tree.
The fox mmm'z and hmm'z by looking at the virgin lioness and then goes around and ass rapes the lioness, then goes one step further and rapes her till he cumed lyk 5 tymes. Blood all over the LIONESS. The fox leaves and the lioness somehow gets outta the tree and goes back to the cave. Seeing BLOOD all over the lioness,the lion was happy and thought the fox was dead and asks, “What happened, honey!”. The lioness weeps and says, “I got raped by that damn fox”
THE LION THEN SAYS “HE USE TO DO THE SAME THING TO ME EVERY VALENTINE'S”

CHAPTER 4
Everyone masturbates , not every1 mostly every1. And it takes long tym for a person to cum. So a guy who is outta his mind and who owns a whore house ( cabin ) decides to put on a competition on who can masturbate for 5 tyms and cum each tym in the least amount of tym. So the prize is the winner gets to fuck all the hoes in that cabin. They advertise and people from all over the globe come to nepal for the competition. The competition was held in Ekhalakhu, Lalitpur of the capital city Kathmandu. Okay! The competition begins and 4 rounds is done they have masturbated 4 tymz then, in the final round three people get selected, one from america – one from Korea and one from nepal itself. The Nepali masturbates in 5 mins every1 knows there ain't no VIAGRA in nepal, the korean masturbates in 5mins 2secs still the Nepali is in the lead, now the turn of the American, with this 15 inch long dick and lot of viagra in the system the American tries to cum, 4mins passed – no he won't cum, 4 mins 59 secs – no he won't cum, 5mins 3 secs and the nepali has won. But the American won't give up, he keeps masturbating and an hour has passed, hour turns into days and days into weeks. Then after 3 and a half weeks a paper comes outta the americans dick and all are wondering what is it then the american opens It and then reads it
PLEASE TRY SOME OTHER TIME, THANKYOU

CHAPTER 5

SUPARI SARO CHA SUPARI SARO CHA HAMRO CLASS KO KT PATYAUNA GARO CHA MARDYANGDI SA LA LA.


SUNTALI MAI DHEKERA TIMRO SETO THAI UTHYO MERO BHAI!!!


UDI JAANE PUTALILE SWYAMBHU DANDA KAATEEN O UDI JAANE PUTALI LEY SWYAMBHU DANDA KAATEEN KAAMINI KO KAALO PUTI YEI MORA LEY CHAATEEN BOLA TARA RA RA LETS ROCK!!!


SAMJHANA BIRSANA SALA LALA LA MA BHITRA AAUNDAI CHU KATTU KHOLA NA.THANKEKO LADO LE TIMLAI THOKAU LA NAU MAINA PACHI BACCHA JANMAULA .......


AALA BAALA PUTI KO CHALA BANGO LADO JAALA KI NAJAALA


PAANI TANNA GAYEKO KUWA MAA KAMILLA LE TOKDYO GULLA MAA.


CHAPTER 6

So there is this blind old guy and he has a son and the son just got married. One day the son is at work and the daughter in law is taking a bath totally naked and then the blind old man screams, “Come out, Come out, quick! I have something to tell you”. The girl thinks lyk “what the fuck! this is a blind old man. I don't have to wear any clothes.”. So she goes out naked with her breasts hanging and hairy pussy with wet hair then the blind old man says in joy “ I CAN SEE - I CAN SEE.”

CHAPTER 7

THE SHIVARATRI


There's this day in Nepal that comes once a year and it is called “THE SHIVARATI”-Lord Shiva is the mighty king of weed smoking god,although there's nothing mentioned in the “history books”. Anyways in this day, nepliz smoke pot a lot and there's not much that cops can do about it. Let the story begin.


One night in shivaratri, Lord shiva was smoking a shit load of “KAILASH PARBAT”weed and got tired and needed to taste some weed from EARTH. So what place on earth would be the most popular for weed, I believe and I know it's Nepal4 sure. Then on human form Shiva comes to nepal and finds some youngsters smoking pot and then he joins them and now begins the pot smoking so they are smoking and smoking And they are almost outta weed but this new guy is not getting high at all so the LAST JOINT they smoke and one of the guy asks LORD SHIVA, “Dude, our weed is finished. Are you high or not?”. Lord Shiva replies,“I M LORD SHIVA. THIS JOINT WILL NOT EFFECT ME.HA HA!”. Then all of the guys turns to him and say, “NOW THIS GUY IS HIGH AS A KITE!!!!!!!”

CHAPTER 8

I FUCKING HATE POLITICS AND POLITICIANS. I'M GOINA MENTION THE DATE OF TODAYS AND THATS 2011/03/01 A.D ( 2067/11/01)


One day like TEN YEARS AGO not this very day but what the hell right! There were three people namely Gyanendra , shruti and paras. Shruti was like super hot gal wit a mini skirt and paras was the son of gyanendra so they were riding on this small scooter and all of them were high on royal weed and royal pills. So it was shruti's scooter and she was riding it, gyanendra was behind her and paras was at he end. Paras was like about to fall off the scooter because of the lack of space so he asks his dad to move a bit forward so that he gets a little space, then gyanendra says that, “why don't you send your dick in my ass, I know you are gay and you know i'm bisexual I have my dick in shruti's ass!!! that will give you some space.”


So what happened Ten years ago. All of the nepliz(nepalese) know that, to the rest here is a brief history. There was a freaking mass murder in the Royal palace. The then King Birendra, Queen Aishwarya, the prince's Dipendra and Dhirendra, Dipendra's wife Shruti, Birendra's big brother Gyanendra plus Gyanendra's son Paras and who knows who else, there was like a royal gathering. Then , what else, as the media says Dipendra had a machine gun and shot everyone there then commited suicide. Who the fuck were left there {guess............!~!~!~!} the ones left were Gyanendra plus Paras and there were some other survivors but the name mentioned above - all of them were killed. But the question in my mind is that how can a man who is left handed shot himself from the right side in his head. Most of the nepliz don't believe that a son could murder his whole family and don't belive the media but what the hell No autopsy no research just the word of the eyewitnesses and all DIED. Thats the fucking history and I was in like grade 5 when that happened.

CHAPTER 9

THIS ONES TO DISS YOUR FRIENDS.

In d western part of the country, there is this guy called ........ who lived near a jungle and what else there was a tiger who had been terrorizing the village so this guy just been to the town and had a rambo machine gun with loads of ammo's. He then decides to go to the jungle and kill the Tiger. So he goes to the jungle in his own and standing before the cave of the merciless tiger, says, “HEY TIGER!! GET THE FUCK OUTTA (OUT OF) THERE AND MEET YOUR DEATH BY MY HANDS”. The tiger ain't scared of shit so it comes out. So he shoots his machine gun “puti kha puti kha puti kha puti kha puti kha puti kha” then the tiger shows all the matrix moves and martial arts skill and dodges all the bullets, the last shot, “PUTI KHA!!!!”. Now that guy is in a load of shit, he then runs and runs and runs but as ya'll know that tiger can run faster than humans,right! So the tiger gets him and takes off his pants and then ASS FUCKS THE GUY!!!. The guy then goes to town and buys a AK-47 original, comes back, goes to the jungle and same story he comes back with an INFLATED ASS. Then, the third time he goes there with a sniper to shoot the tiger from far away, he waits and waits for what seems to be an eternity but the tiger is nowhere to be seen, from behind the tiger takes the gun and breaks it into pieces. The guy now thinks of running but he changes his mind and takes off his pant himself and he is ready to get laid in d ASS by the Tiger. Then the Tiger says, “You came here to kill me or get ASS RAPED”.

P.S. Puti = pussy N kha = eat!!!!

CHAPTER 10

questions and answers!!

Scroll down the page slowly!!!

if you wanna enjoy!!!!

WHICH MOUSE CAN WALK WITH ONLY TWO FEET?

Guess

guess

guess

guess

guess guess

guess guess guess

guess guess

guess

GOT THE ANSWER IT'S “MICKEY MOUSE”

WHICH DUCK CAN WALK WITH ONLY TWO FEET?

Guess

guess

guess

guess

guess guess

guess guess guess

guess guess

guess

Got it the ans is not DONALD DUCK . Every duck can walk with two feet..

HOW DO YOU FIT AN ELEPHANT INTO A REFRIGERATOR?

Guess

guess

guess

guess

guess guess

guess guess guess

guess guess

guess

GET A FREAKING ELEPHANT SIZED REFRIGERATOR!!

SO HOW DO YOU FIT A GIRAFFE INTO THE REFRIGERATOR?

Guess

guess

guess

guess

guess guess

guess guess guess

guess guess

guess

Don't you have to take out that elephant first!!

CHAPTER 11

So there is a world renowned hoe in Nepal and people from all over the globe come and fuck that bitch! Then there is this teenage boy who is a virgin and he wants to fuck like hell. His friends take him to that hoe and in a room those two are in and they start fucking. The hoe is like, “you call that a dick, boy! R u fucking serious?”. So the boy is now mad and sends his whole hand in and says, “Do u feel anything?”. “Nope”, replies the hoe. Then the boy sends his foot in and still the hoe don't feel nothing. Now the boy has had enuff, he sends his head in and then finds the rolex watch of Barack Obama (<-----did I get d name ryt, ya'll kno em huh! ). Then the boy keeps going and finds the sneaker of lilou ( the b-boy champ of the world from 2001 – 2010 ). Then the boy finds the dhaka topi ( a traditional nepali cap ) of none other that X-King Gyanendra. The final step of the way he finds Abhisekh Bachan ( bollywood star ) and ask him like, “ Are you making a fucking movie inside the pussy of this hoe?” He replies, “ Nah! I'm searching for my lost Karizma ( Karisma ) bike!!!”

CHAPTER 12

So there is this two guy from the suburbs who were addicts and went to a village. As they were walking by their eye goes to a young fine lady, bathing in a waterfall totally naked. So as they were already high on proxyvon and nitravet and other formula they decide to rape the lady. They look around and no one on sight, they then hit the lady with a rock and faint her. They take her behind a bush and they are goina fuck her “aah aaha uuum” RAPE her. So one of the guy is a total VIAGRA freak and he decides to fuck in the ass so he sends his thing in and the guy in the front sees his dick coming outta the girls pussy and says, “Hey, dude send your dick a little bit inside, I have to fuck too, you know!”. Then the Viagra freak says, “What the fuck dude, thats only one-third of my 20 feet DICK!”